Long seperation

I haven’t been blogging but my long seperation from here should not hindererd anymore now that I can write from my phone. I’m actually getting better at typing on my iPhone than a regular computer. I spent another weekend in the yard and cleaning my house. This weekend I cleaned my carpets and reseeding my lawn. My flowers are not dead yet which is a victory that they lasted another week!!! I went with chris to see the phenomenauts Friday and drank way too much PBR. I danced my ass off and possibly broke chris’s toe! I had heals on and stepped on him bad! It is blue and swollen! I also have mystery scrapes and bruises on my left leg which makes me think I must have fell into the stage!? I was not blacked out, I never have before. I have a feeling I was just to hit faced to realize I hurt myself. I got nice and tan/burnt in the sun yesterday trying to get rid of the hideous tan lines from San Diego! With a strapless wedding dress I can’t have tan line so I welcome the burn in place of tank top lines! Four months til the wedding and we still don’t have a finalized guest list! We did get our tickets to Hawaii for our honeymoon!!! Tonight I plan to work in the list a little more, figure it all out! Back to work, my break is over.

Oh what a week….

So my week has been great, I say with sarcasm, great if you like a house full of shit….. My house, which I rent, decided to overflow with sewage. Great My house is a disaster. I have a toilet and a shower with no sink, floor or real ability to use the two standing fixtures. We can pee in the toilet but not flush toilet paper and we can use the shower but not for more than a couple minutes. All because of tree roots growing through our pipes. I came home Thursday night and heard water in the bathroom. Chris was doing the dishes in the kitchen, I opened the bathroom door and water/piss/shit was flowing out of the toilet. Great! Our landlord is clueless, I had to tell her how to handle everything. She was going to leave the tile and carpet, even though it had been soaked and was turning into black mold as I explained the dangers to her. I think you should have to take a class before you can rent a house, I maybe too nice. I could have let her leave it then broke my lease and sued… but that wouldn’t be nice… SO they are replacing the pipes today and next week all of the floors, walls and putting a new sink in. I am tired, I haven’t slept. Chris was out of town Saturday and Sunday at the Sierra Nevada Music Festival. I never sleep well why he is gone. Last night I was convinced there was some one in my closet/extra room. Yes, my closet is actually a room. It was an add on the the bedroom it is large enough for a bedroom but is actually a closet. I swore that I could see some one trying to open the door…. Freaky… So I didn’t sleep. Now there are more fires here too… Great… I need a vacation!

Healthy

I decided I want to stop trying to lose weight and just be healthy. It doesn’t work for me, I am a comfort eater, I like weight watcher’s because I can survive on fake food for a week and lose weight then pig out on a Saturday and gain it all back…. I guess what i am trying to say is that I cheat the system every time. I do great to the diet concept, but I am being really unhealthy. I don’t eat, (not because I am trying not to I actually forget to eat for the first 5 hours of my day), then I rationalize the ability to eat a quick, easy and full of fat meal because I have all my points left to use for the day. This makes me fatter than I already am, ’cause now my metabolism is hanging on to every calorie it gets, even though I may only be eating 1400 calories in a day…. I gain weight… So i am trying to be healthy. I bought only fruits and veggies at the store last night… and let me add eating healthy is way too expensive in our country… I did buy chicken breast, I will not give up meat. I like meat and I believe you need meat. Not in excess but it is good. I have other protein substitutes but a chicken breast for dinner is my favorite form of protein. So I am going to be healthy, not a cheater and faking rules but actually sticking to the weight watchers plan. Most importantly eating, every 2 hours a small meal to help my metabolism realize I do not want to starve and then subsequently store every calorie I consume.

Chico/Butte Fire

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This is what I am currently dealing with…. FIRES! The red is what is burned already, blue is what is evacuated and the red flame is 40 houses that burned… These are the days I feel like I can do anything just to help!

No One

I started this blog in secret… I like that no one knows about it, but it is disheartening when I realized absolutely no one has read my blog…. I’m just whining, it has been a long day already and its only 12:30!

First Ticket….

I got pulled over for the first time last night…. as where usually I am a complete granny driver, yesterday I had the speed demon in me. We were on our way to my little sister’s (plural my 18-year-old twin sisters) graduation, I was having a good time sing and talking with the honey and looked down at my speedometer and realized I was going almost 75 mph. I took my foot of the gas and then saw the CHP officer and new I was getting a ticket. He was really nice about it and I knew I was wrong for driving like a hellion. He luckily only wrote my ticket for 65 in a 55, not for the 73 mph I was going…. The little sissy poo’s graduated and I thought I was going to cry the whole time… I just was reminiscent of that day for me almost 10 years ago! I wish they knew how much fun the are in for, and hope they realized how much they had! The ticket was just the icing on the cake for a really long and crappy day…. just my luck…

It’s been awhile…

I know I told myself I would blog everyday….. Just to get it out and deal with crap… but I haven’t cause I suck…Life has been better, but I still have too much crap going on to wrap my head around it. I look at everything and feel like I have nothing to do or take care of but that is far from the truth. I always wonder if this is depression or anxiety, my mom says this is how she feels when depressed. I have always been able to pull myself out of my “funk” lately I have been in a funk for the past year. I guess I could call it growing up or being dramatic, I just worry that this is something I can’t control on my own. So here is my question… Do I go to the doc in a box and get the meds…. or do I go to the therapist and try to “talk” it all out…. How do I find someone, I have heard so many horror stories on bad doctors bad meds etc etc. I think it is good to get this out, I talk to my friends about it but I guess it feels good to get it out into the “cosmic” open. I need to escape take a vacation for real, not a trip to go do something or some obligation but a real vacation. Laying on a beach and relaxing, with no plans sleeping in and drinking mai-tais! I found out a good friend from school, Jessi, lost her dad last week. All I can think about is in what pain she must be in. If i lost my mom or dad at 25 I would be in a world of hurt. I feel like I am losing my mom, she is disappearing rapidly. She isn’t the woman I love and admire anymore, she has become a shell of her former self trying to get by day by day. I worry about her not my brother, I now he is strong and will be fine. She is floundering, and trying to find herself all over again and be herself not mom and I am not ready for that. I still need my mom, I think that my wedding is not exciting to me since she isn’t there planning and being excited with me. I don’t know…. I guess I just need some motivation…. Something to get me going ready and prepared for everyday…